Eliot - A Writers' Blog

Hi Folks,

Most writers have heard at one time or another the old saw, “Show, don’t tell.” Unfortunately, all too often when we ask writing instructors what that means specifically, they say something like “Well, I can’t explain it, but I know it when I see it.” In my day job as a freelance editor, I see the results of critiques by those who believe they know it when they see it, and I’m here to tell you No, they don’t.

So what does “Show, don’t tell” mean? It means don’t let your narrator “tell” the reader everything. (Wait, it gets better!) It means the narrator should describe the scene (that’s his only real function) and then step aside so the reader can experience the story right along with the characters, as if the reader is there, in the story, in the midst of the characters. When a reader is that engaged in your story line, he’s less likely to put down your novel or memoir and find something else to do. But how specifically do you practice the “Show, don’t tell” axiom? It really is as simple as it sounds.

First, remember that every time your narrator speaks, he’s coming between the reader and the characters, between the reader and the story line. So the first rule of “Show, don’t tell” is be certain your narrative is necessary. Even necessary narrative is somewhat intrusive, but it’s, you know, necessary.

Second, allow your narrator only to describe the scene. You can keep the narrator on track by taking the physical and emotional ”sense verbs” out of the narrator’s vocabulary. Don’t allow the narrator to use verbs like see, hear, smell, felt, thought (except in a tag line), believed, seemed, etc. And no, don’t allow him to use derivatives of those verbs (saw, could see, heard, could hear, etc.). In other words, the narrator shouldn’t tell the reader what the character sees, hears, tastes, smells, feels, etc. The narrator should simply describe the scene and let the reader see, hear, taste, smell, feel, etc. right along with the character. Here are a few examples of what I mean. The sense verbs are underlined:

•  Tell: Each moment he was alive, he felt a constant agony growing inside of him.
• Show: Each moment he was alive, a constant agony grew inside him.
• Tell: John smelled her foul breath, and it reminded him of the outhouse on a hot summer day.
• Show: Her foul breath reminded him of the outhouse on a hot summer day.
• Tell: Five minutes later, he heard the door knob turn and the door squeal open.
• Show: Five minutes later, the door knob turned and the door squealed open.
• Tell: He saw Annie sitting on Horace Riker’s lap, whispering in his ear.
• Show: Annie was sitting on Horace Riker’s lap, whispering in his ear.
• Tell: In his holster was a baton, and Tommy could see the purple electricity dancing on its tip.
• Show: In his holster was a baton, and purple electricity was dancing on its tip.
• Tell: He could taste a musky aroma.
• Show: A musky aroma filled his senses.
• Tell: Tommy noticed a gold light shooting high up in the air.
• Show: A gold light shone high up in the air.
• Tell: As she entered the house, she could smell the acrid odor of sizzling electrical circuits.
• Show: As she entered the house, the acrid odor of sizzling electrical circuits stung her nose.

(The above examples are excerpted from my Writing the World seminar, “Point of View and Narrative Voice,” now available on DVD at http://StoneThread.com.)

Finally, please don’t let your narrator tell the reader what a character says. The character is right there in the story, after all; let the character speak for himself through dialogue so the reader can “overhear” it for himself.

That’s it for this time. Happy writing!

Harvey

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About the Author: Harvey Stanbrough is a fictionist, poet, writing instructor and freelance editor whose works have been nominated for a Pulitzer Prize and a National Book Award. He works from his home near Whetstone, Arizona.
Harvey Stanbrough's Website

Viewing a colony of Monarch butterflies basking in the sun high in the Mexican mountains was an awesome sensory experience. It gave me a greater appreciation for this tiny insect that makes one of the most amazing migrations on earth.

Photo Courtesy of David Motherwell
Copyright ©2010 David Motherwell. All Rights Reserved.

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Hi Folks,

Other than being a poet, writer and writing instructor, I’m a freelance editor. When I happen across the first couple of instances of inappropriate use of the verb “gave” in a manuscript, I immediately do a global search to find each instance all the way through so I can repair those sentences up front. Usually when I find one such instance, I’ll discover a lot more of them because folks who misuse this infamous verb usually misuse it a lot.

Using “gave” inappropriately creates the same kind of diversion as saying “umm” a lot during the course of a speech. After a while, audience members stop listening to the speech and start counting occurrences of “umm.” Likewise, readers will find themselves wondering when you’re going to quit “giving” things that can’t be given. Here’s a verbatim transcript of a question/answer session between a writer and his editor (me):

 Question: Which sentence is correct, or are they both correct?

 ”I gave a quick look at Nick Campbell, and he gave me a subtle nod for me to continue.”

 ”I gave a quick look at Nick Campell, and he gave me a subtle nod to continue.”

 Answer: I don’t care for either of them. “Give” is most often a transitive verb, meaning you actually give (or hand or grant) something to someone. Using it as you use it in these sentences is all right occasionally if it isn’t overused. Regarding whether the “nod to continue” phrase works, it really doesn’t. To fix both problems (verb and phrase), I’d recommend writing it like this: ”I glanced at Nick Campbell and he nodded, indicating I should continue.”

Okay, out of the example and back to the current blog post—in the example above, “glanced” is an action verb that indicates “quickly looked” without having to write “quickly.” Also, think about the action of the character. He didn’t actually “nod to continue” or “nod for me to continue”; rather, his nod indicated that Nick should continue.

When you “give” someone a nod or a smile or a look or a glance, that indicates to the reader that the recipient has something now that she didn’t have before, as if you “gave” her a dollar or ring or a house or some writing advice.

 So here’s the thing: if you’re one of those writers who bathes in “gave,” stop it. If you look at the third or fourth word after “gave,” most often it will be a noun (smile, wave, shake) that you can turn into a past-tense verb (smiled, waved, shook) and use in place of gave.

Don’t Write                                                    Write

 ”I gave him a smile.”                                      ”I smiled (at him).”

“I gave him a wave.”                                        ”I waved (to him).”

“I gave his hand a shake.”                              ”I shook his hand.”

                                           however . . .

 Please Write                                                  Not

“I gave him a dollar.”                                       “I dollared him.”

“I gave her a ring.”                                            “I ringed her.”

 (Yeah, I know you didn’t need the last two, but a little fun never hurt anyone.) Anyway, using “gave” inappropriately is a habit, much like using the unnecessary “what it was that” phrase as in “I forgot what it was that I wanted to tell you” instead of the much cleaner “I forgot what I wanted to tell you.” So yes, you’ll have to pay attention to your writing for a little while, maybe even consciously looking for instances of “gave,” but very soon you’ll develop a new habit: writing leaner, cleaner, more active prose.

‘Til next time,

Harvey

If you’re ever in Arizona, check online for my upcoming writing seminars in Tucson and Huachuca City on the 3rd and 4th Saturday of each month, respectively: http://StoneThread.com/events.html. If not, you can still purchase the seminars on DVD: http://StoneThread.com/

And if you find yourself in need of a free sample edit, take a look at http://StoneThread.com/edits.html.

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About the Author: Harvey Stanbrough is a fictionist, poet, writing instructor and freelance editor whose works have been nominated for a Pulitzer Prize and a National Book Award. He works from his home near Whetstone, Arizona.
Harvey Stanbrough's Website

Have you ever written a story and somehow all the characters sound like you? I know I have . . .more often than I care to admit. It is easy to do. We know our responses and our thought processes better than we know anyone else’s, so when our character may be facing some deadly trap or trying to seduce someone it is easy to fall back on our own responses as if we were the character. This might work for a character, but if you attempt it with an entire cast of characters the story will be boring and sound like everyone is a clone of everyone else.

A way to avoid this is to look to the science of psychology. My two theories of preference to use is Myers-Briggs model and Jung’s archetypes. Note: I said archetype, not stereotype. They are two different animals and stereotypes make for boring characters.

By understanding and combining the two theories, characters can be made interesting and understandable to any reader. In my next several entries, I will explore the combining of these ideas. I am not the first nor will I be the last to do this and I will provide references for the reader to review and explore on their own.

Thank you for reading and please visit www.davidalanlucas.com for information on the blogs, stories, poems, and articles I write.

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About the Author: Martial Artist, Poet, and Author of Crime Drama, Fantasy, Horror, and Science Fiction. Please visit www.davidalanlucas.com for more info.
David Lucas II's Website

Our Selection

Victory Through Valor: A Collection of World War II Memoirs

by George Despotis, St. Louis Gateway Chapter Veterans of the Battle of the Bulge, Donald E. Korte, Matt Lary

Victory Through Valor: A Collection of World War II Memoirs
is a collection of stories told by the true heroes of World War II. The book gives us a firsthand look at D-Day, the Battle of the Bulge, and the surrender of Germany in 1945. Victory Through Valor was published with the cooperation of the Gateway Chapter of The Veterans of the Battle of the Bulge in St. Louis, Missouri.

Pub. Date: October 2008

Publisher: Reedy Press

Format: Paperback, 336pp

ISBN-13: 9781933370385

ISBN: 1933370386

Our Member of Distinction*

Days Like This Are Necessary: New and Selected Poems

by Walter Bargen

Days Like This Are Necessary includes new poems as well as highlights from the 13-book career of Walter Bargen, first poet laureate of Missouri. If you have never read Walter’s work, this is a great place to start. If you are already a fan, you won’t be disappointed.

Pub. Date: September 2009

Publisher: BkMk Press of the University

Format: Paperback

ISBN-13: 9781886157705

ISBN: 1886157707

*Members of Distinction have contributed in time and effort to the organization

Popularity: 5% [?]

Valentine is When

Marcel Toussaint © 2010

Valentine is when two hearts
have met, when they decide to share
their emotions and their lives
for they know they are meant
for each other a lifetime.

Valentine is when holding hands
brings joy to both hearts,
when the future is of children
a family together by the fire
cozy when it is cold.

Valentine is when the sun is high,
when all is well, our spirits glad,
when the rain and thunder happen,
when difficult times arise,
but we still hold hands.

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Earlier this month, Becky Povich received the news that her memoir has been accepted by High Hill Press. No publication date as of yet, but updates and other interesting information can be found at Becky’s blog: www.beckypovich.blogspot.com

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Sit around a campfire or the lunchroom of any place or the proverbial water cooler and you hear hundreds of stories in the course of a day. Everyone has a story to tell and everyone wants other people to hear it. How is this any different than writing a story? The answer is multifaceted, and the first important aspect is character growth. Many of the stories told in casual conversation are antidotal and often follows a typical pattern. A character does something, goes through some steps or overcomes an obstacle and then comes the conclusion that the event is over or to be continued at the next lunch, break, or campfire. Many times it is about children or parents, spouses or significant others—even pets may appear prominently. Would such stories make good fiction?

Many non-writers or want to be writers would answer yes. However, often the answer is no as they are told. They lack the character development that occurs in the fictional or non-fictional story. Joey sliding down a hill of snow and barely missing a tree, falling face first in the snow may be funny, but unless there was something Joey had to overcome, learn from, or somehow change things then the story dies at the table. It may have gotten a laugh from a friend or coworker, but the seed of the story dies with the end of the laughter. It did not change the character or have an impact on the listener of the story.

What if Joey had a fear of crashing into that tree? What if he had seen a friend who was “hotdoging” and had crashed into that same tree and was badly injured or killed? What if Joey was now being teased for not wanting to go sledding down the hill because of the tree? What if that teasing was from a parent who wanted Joey to overcome his fear? Or what if the parent didn’t know the reason for Joey’s fear? The asking of these questions and the exploration of them as Joey mounts his sled (after all, why is he even have on at the top of the hill if he is so afraid?) and as he sleds down the hill, watching as the tree looms in his path—why did he end up in the snow face first—all turn into the inner struggle of the character and the change or decision to avoid change like the rapidly approaching tree creates the true story that will sit with the listener or reader. This is what takes a common place event and turns it into a work of art under the hands of the storyteller.

Thank you for reading and please visit www.davidalanlucas.com for information on the blogs, stories, poems, and articles I write.

Popularity: 4% [?]

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About the Author: Martial Artist, Poet, and Author of Crime Drama, Fantasy, Horror, and Science Fiction. Please visit www.davidalanlucas.com for more info.
David Lucas II's Website

Hi Folks,

This week I thought I’d drift over to the poetry genre. Remember, though, all genre are written in the same language, so this might well contain some gems for you novelists, memoirists, short story writers and essayists too.

This is to counteract, especially in novice poets, the notion that a group of words structured as a paragraph may somehow be considered a poem. Despite the current fad spreading like a plague through college classrooms and writers’ workshops, a paragraph, whether it occurs in an essay, a vignette, a short story, a novel, or a so-called “prose poem,” is still just a paragraph.

Lewis Turco, in his New Book of Forms, delineates the difference simply and succinctly. To paraphrase him, Prose is a mode of language; the other mode is Verse. Prose is written communication in which the meter inherent in our accentual-syllabic language has not been intentionally manipulated. Verse is written communication in which the meter has been intentionally manipulated. That’s it.

Poetry, like fiction, is a genre, and all genres can be written in either mode. Most often, for example, novels are written in prose, but I’ve seen the occasional novel presented in verse (witness La Farge’s Each to the Other). Poetry, too, can be written in either mode. If the meter is not intentionally manipulated (as is the case in what is commonly called free verse), it is a prose poem; if the meter is intentionally manipulated, it is a verse poem. The true prose poem is what most people refer to as free verse, and what most people refer to as a prose poem is, in actuality, just another paragraph, albeit sometimes a lovely paragraph. The best examples are slice-of-life fictions, or vignettes. If anyone asks you the difference between prose and poetry, you can tell them accurately that prose is a mode of language and poetry is a genre.

But perhaps the real question is not the difference between prose and poetry at all, but the difference between the stanza or poem and the paragraph. That difference is (and should be) obvious to anyone who has studied the craft of writing in our language for any length of time. In a paragraph, the line ends where it ends, and the sentence is the basic building block. But in a poem, whether a prose poem (free verse) or a verse poem (meter is intentionally manipulated), the line breaks make a distinct difference. In a poem or stanza, the poetic line ends on a particular word for a particular reason, and the poetic line is the basic building block. The truth is, if you can remove the line breaks from a stanza or a poem and turn it into a paragraph without making a noticeable difference in meaning, it wasn’t a poem to begin with.

Of course, it’s true that we enjoy freedom in this country, and we might even agree that we can label things in any way we want without regard for whether that label makes sense to anyone else. For example, a few years ago, a gentleman sent me a series of poems he’d dubbed “16-line sonnets.” The fact is, to be called a sonnet, whether Petrarchan, Shakespearean, Spenserian, or any other kind, the poem must conform to certain rules, and chief among them is that the poem must consist of 14 lines. I explained this to the poet and he huffily withdrew his poems because I refused to introduce them to others as “16-line sonnets.” C’est la vie.

The point here is that any worthwhile endeavor requires the study and application of craft. Arbitrarily calling a 16-line poem a “sonnet” makes no more sense than calling a paragraph a poem; the former does not create an actual sonnet, nor does the latter create a poem. How quick would you be to hire a plumber to repair leaks in your home if he insisted on calling a pipe and elbow, or a pipe wrench a screwdriver? How quick would you be to hire a “master carpenter” who knew only how to use a hammer, nails and a saw but had no knowledge of a plane or a mitre saw or a dado joint? Write, please, to your heart’s content, but don’t allow those who believe craft is anathema to pull you down to their depth of misery. And for Pete’s sake (whoever Pete is), if you choose to call a pig a flounder, don’t be uspet that everyone else still sees a pig.

Happy Writing!

Harvey

Get Harvey’s Writing the World Seminars on DVD! http://StoneThread.com

Did you know the second edition of Punctuation for Writers contains a chapter on “The Use of Punctuation in Poetry”? http://www.booklocker.com/books/4056.html

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About the Author: Harvey Stanbrough is a fictionist, poet, writing instructor and freelance editor whose works have been nominated for a Pulitzer Prize and a National Book Award. He works from his home near Whetstone, Arizona.
Harvey Stanbrough's Website

Scotland Trip
Photo Courtesy of Jud Miner
Copyright ©2010 Jud Miner. All Rights Reserved.

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